I got nothin'

Yesterday I completed the last shift of my assignment at Children's Hospital and Research Center of Oakland. I was pleasantly surprised by all of the hugs and well-wishes I received as well as the multiple requests to stay on/come back as a staff nurse. These included an invitation and inpromptu interview from a couple of managers on the Hem/Onc floor, which is my favorite population of people to work with.

Right now the world is wide open (aside from the offer from the Hem/Onc floor to come back-I wish they could have at least waited until Monday to request me to take a position there :o)-I have no immediate offers/plans, which I love). I have no job (but the peace of knowing one might be easily obtained with some effort and enough of a cushion that the immediate need for one is not pressing) and other than a pressing engagement with friends to go blues dancing tonight and a hike in the works for tomorrow, I. ... got. ...nothin'. ...

I take better care of myself when I have options. When I feel like I have nothing I have to do I absolutely accomplish more, make better decisions, and live a more productive life than when I have fewer options.

I started my morning today perfectly...woke up, said my prayers-thanked God for the day and the possibilities His world contains- read a novel while the sun was peaking through my blinds... When the sun had just barely finished showing it's full face I moved into the almost warm outside while I nibbled breakfast at the outdoor table and smelled the fresh cut grass, listening to birds. I then had a short phone conversation with a few details about the job here in Oakland and have spent the last little bit downloading Josh Ritter and Johnny Cash songs while occassionally chatting with good friends online.

All that being said, I'm allowing myself a few days of lazy thoughts (meaning no deep thinking and deciding-thoughts can come and go as they please, thus allowing me to ponder options if they so wander through, without me feeling the need to make them dwell or finish them out). I will enjoy these moments whole-heartly while they last- sincerely, naturally, taking better care of myself and making better decisions next few days without force or compulsion.

p.s. I'm still in my pajamas, complete with motorcycle slippers and a smile.

So...I went to Idaho

So, I went to Idaho last weekend to be with my younger sister, Lois, while she was having her first baby (check her out at rldraper.blogspot.com). I figured since I'm at a place in my life where I have a little extra money, the time, and a career that makes it possible for me to get up and go at a moment's notice (not to mention an innate need to do so occassionally) I might as well go. I booked a flight and flew out six hours later. Meanwhile, I texted my buddy, Corinne in Sandy, UT, and insighted her with road trip fever. Moments like these are definatley ones I want to bethere for so I'll take advantage of the ability to participate in them while I can.

The labor was pathetically easy (as was the pregnancy as reported by Lois). A perfect epidural, given early and lasted long with two short hours of intermitent pushing, which she chatted all the way through in between contractions. She felt "a tiny bit of pressure in her back" that let her know she was having a contraction and to push. Aside from a brief scare of stress on the baby, she came out smoothly and purple. Fortunately, this was quickly remedied with the help of some great nurses followed by a few days of prophylactic antibiotics. Kenya Irene Draper was born 6.6, 20 inches long on March 7, 2009 and is a beautiful baby girl, who looks a LOT like her mommy. At least for now. She is now home safe and sound with very proud parents.

Now for the rest of the story...

...I flew into SLC, rented a car at the airport, picked up Corinne and drove to Rexburg, ID. The interesting part of this story, however, unfolds on the return trip.

We were leaving the hospital to head back to SLC the afternoon after Kenya was born. It was miserably cold and blustery so we ran as fast as we could to the rental car. I hit the FOB a million times on the way there to make sure it would be unlocked when we reached it. We tore open the doors and jumped in. Ugh! Squiiish. The seat was so far forward I smashed my knees against the steering wheel (I assume from pulling the lever to let the seat forward while retreiving my backpack on the way in). I had to get out into the freezing cold to try to adjust my seat. It put up a good fight and took me a decent amount of time to figure out how to move it back. I thought for sure I had adjusted it before but it wasn't how I remembered.

Crisis resolved. I now could fit in with enough room to start the car (read heater). I turned the key without so much as grunt.
Steering wheel locked? No.
Key in upside down? No.
Slam hands on dash-check.
Verbally abuse the car-check.
Still nothing.
Corinne: "uh, Amy..."
Me: "Yeah?"
Corinne: "Uh, I don't think this our car."

We both look around frantically to test this theory. No rear view mirror decor. No gum in the console. No lingering wrappers. No signs of life anywhere. Nothing that would identify this car as having an owner. But then...

Corinne: "this car has four doors, I think ours just had two."
Me: *confused*...

We jump out. Two parking spaces away, hidden behind a big SUV, is an identical car with only two doors. Oi! The owner must have just left the car unlocked (we were at the hospital in Rexburg, ID after all). After starting our car (read heater), I realized I'd just adjusted someone else's seat and moved it back signifantly (I know right, this part makes the story hard to believe, but it's all true). Now the question is do I get out and go put it back or not? I decide no. I'll stay put. What if the owner came while I'm in or crawling in or out of his/her car? He/she will just have a moment of confusion like I did and move on. No harm done.

Off to Arby's for a quick bite before ditching town. We order. Our order will take a few minutes, please pull forward and wait. Okay, pulling forward...KER-CHUNK! What the?!
I look out my window: Nothing. Corinne looks out her window: A giant foot-high curb that I have completely cleared on her side, high-centering the car. I still can't see it because on my side my wheel is on flat, smooth pavement. I jump out of the car (into the bitter, bitter, painful cold) and am immediately surrounded by two male Arby's workers both charmingly eager to help (and impress the ladies inside). "Don't worry. It happens all the time." (Okay then, don't you think someone should do something about that then?) They push. They push again. No go. A few minutes go by of trying to figure out what to do when a third chubby, young Arby's worker emerges. The other two seem to be in awe of him: "He's strong. Really strong. We can probably get it with is strength." Igh, whatever, it's worth a shot. Whoa! Go Herc! We're free! "Oh, and here's your order."

All right this is too funny, where's my phone! Where's my phone? Wait, where's my phone? Corinne starts to call my phone as I dig around. Dang it. Didn't find in time, try again. I'm dumping out my backpack in pursuit when...

Corinne: "Did you find this phone in you car?"
Yes, that's right. I left my phone in the stranger's car.
"How did the phone get in your car? Well, you see, it's really embarrassing...(...)
"...We're in the Arby's parking lot. Are you still at the hospital?"
Of course not.
"What's that? You live 45 miles out of town and you're on your way home? Oh."
Hmmm...
"Oh, you're not far out of town; you'll bring it to us?! Thank you so much!"
Not two minutes pass our four door twin rolls up. Now before I tell you who the owner of the car is, what would you think if a phone was planted in your car and started ringing as you drove down the highway?

Possibly, "we have your cat" or "your mission should you choose to accept it..."

But this little old lady-all smiles, who doesn't even own a cell phone and initially thought the ringing was on a radio commercial (hence no response on the first call), is cool as can be. She behaves as if nothing is out of the ordinary and doesn't seem phased at all as she wishes us a safe journey and drives off.

This is too funny, I've gotta call someone, where's my phone?
"Hi, Mom?... guess what?"

Pensar en ti

Pensar en ti

No se si me recuerdes,

yo no pienso en nadie

mas que en ti.

Pensando en ti

he podido ayudarme a vivir.

Tu eres mi causa para seguir

en esta vida donde te conoci.

Cuando peinoso en ti,

mi alma empeza

a depender de ti.

Pensando en ti,

o recordandote

descubro cada amanecer,

solo hay algo mejor

que pensar en ti;

Estar contigo,

Ilegar al cielo ilusionado

y regresar enamorado

de tu amor,

pero no puedo vivir

estando solo asi

pensando en ti

by Absalom Marquez
(posted with permission by the author)

This was written by a cancer patient of mine in San Antonio, TX shortly after he found out that his cancer was back. I believe it was his final appointment before being considered in remission. Any help with translation would be great.

Really Bored

Instructions: Google the phrase (including the quotes) "[your first name] needs" and write down the first 10 results... no editing!! :)

Amy needs and this came up and just to make things CLEAR im not going out with any1 called Peter!

Amy needs some helping drinking apparently

Amy needs to either wake up or start getting some extra will-power.

Amy needs help

Amy needs, needs to change some of its friends who surround it ...

Amy Needs A Wash.

amy needs her prince!! Come find me please!!

Amy needs to find a home where she can spend her golden years and be a cherished member of the family. ...

amy Needs A Break

Amy needs another cocktail before facing police.

amy needs to let ben go!!!!
(I know that last one makes 11 but it was just too funny to pass up and it really was #11. Some of you will get it.)

Okay, people. That was pretty funny. Let me know if you do this cause I wanna read yours, too.

My Dove Promise...describes me pretty well...

Do not look back and ask why, look forward and ask why not!

From the Blog of Kings and Queen

I found this on Kelli's blog who found it on someone else's. Let the cyber-circus begin!!

Here it is: The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you.
This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. {might be a little while}
4. You have no clue what it's going to be (frankly, neither do I at this point) and you can not make requests. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.
The catch?
Oh, yes, there is one of those. The catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.
The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!
* * *Oh, and be sure to post pictures of what you win when you get it and what you made for your winners!***

My Biggest Insecurity

My biggest insecurity is that I have insecurities. You see, when people like you because you’re confident and secure the tiniest insecurity becomes a big deal because it’s very existence shatters the one thing about you that you could use as an argument against insecurities at a low point. As people, and friends, we tend to use someone’s strong points to counter their weak points when feeling down. However, when I’m feeling down and insecure my counter would be, “you’re never insecure or down”. You see my problem?

Truth be told I am relatively very secure and comfortable with myself. It’s when other people get involved that it gets sticky. Whereas, I don’t necessarily care or worry a whole ton about what others think or feel about me, knowing simply that not everyone is going to love me- or hate me for that matter. Some won’t bother to notice at all and that’s okay; I don’t mind. The grey area is knowing people will be let down when they realize I’m not everything, or a better way to say it, I’m not what, they hoped for. I’m just different from what a single person hoped/wanted. Example: one might find me too ambitious and lively whereas another may wish I was more so. Either way, I’ve come to know myself very well. I’m not so upset when people aren’t interested or lose interest (funny, how I talk like that’s ever happened, but in the interest of my theory, we’ll let it slide).

I am the very opposite of myself in nearly every aspect of my personality and actuality. For those of you who know me, feel free to add to the list of iconoclasts that make me so contradictory. Here’s a short list of things that I’ve come up with:

Outgoing and shy
Insensitive and easily touched
Ambitious and unmotivated
Confident and insecure
Logical and irrational
Active and lazy
Open and guarded
Don’t care what you think but need to hear it
Defensive but not easily offended
Argues for sport but hates conflict

So when your strengths are synonymous with your weaknesses it’s easy to disappoint. Akin to this problem is my confidence in my ability to become and do anything I want, knowing that if I don’t succeed it’s usually just a lack of effort. (Even if the effort required would be massive and difficult, it’s still just because I didn’t do more.)

--side note—there have been times I wish I had the ability to give up. That all of this obnoxious ability to keep going regardless of obstacle and opposition would go away. The result is that I know I can make it through just about anything. I hate that. Because I know this, there’s no hope of excuse or long-lasting meltdown in my life. I know that I have the ability to do and become just about anything I put my mind to but I seriously doubt that I’ll actually do it.

I think my whole family suffers from this dual blessing/curse of ability vs. realization of ability (or in other words, confidence/lack of confidence). I read in one of my brother, Chris’ scribblings once that sums it up better than I ever could. He referred to it as “wasted potential”. But just like me, I think he feels the compulsion not to waste it. But when you feel you can do anything, where do you begin!? And are you then required to become everything to everyone?! (I really see my sister, Cheri, caught in this conundrum.) --end side note—


Anyway, so that’s my biggest insecurity. That I can but won’t because I’m insecure.