Lately...

I don’t blog much. In fact, I hate writing. I’m more of a speaker, despite my best efforts to keep my mouth shut.This is merely my attempt to be a little more than completely anti-productive.

This year has been a doosey. (And by year I mean 12 months, not specifically a calendar year).

I spent the last year and a half in the bay area of California. A beautiful, beautiful place, with not so beautiful people. I know everywhere has it’s problem people but it just seemed that nearly all the people there hated everyone. Without going into details I can say that it was enough to leave some significant scars and making me feel like a hateful, callous hermit. And any place that’s mean enough to hermitize me is pretty ugly as, once again, despite my best efforts, I’m a social girl. I like to be around people. I like new experiences and new places, and most of all a good laugh at all our awkward attempts at being human.

I miss having good friends. A lot. I’ve done a fair amount of traveling and feel like, although maybe I wasn’t a perfect fit, I have “never been known to not be able to slide right in and make friends”-as noted by a So Cal friend. I miss having good friends close. And although I can see the link between the bay area and my now overly cautious and callous nature, my attitude is my own and I blame no one. And if I’m being honest, I am now too fearful, cautious and untrusting to be comfortable with my ability to make friends and fit in anywhere, which worries me because I know how important good friends can be. “Friends are the family we choose.” I simply don’t know how to make friends anymore because you have to trust friends.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone I loved so much close to me. I miss all the crazy laughter and have not experienced someone’s quirks being endearing rather than obnoxious for quite some time because of the score-keeping and backstabbing I’ve witnessed I’m more than a little guarded and perhaps even a little paranoid. (This is why Kelli and I need to live next door to each other and have one giant back yard :). That and so she can raise my kids because she’s an unbelievably fantastic mom.)

I’m worried about finances. (warning:::: I’m about to sound like an ungrateful snob::::). Times are tight right now. For everyone. Except they weren’t for me. I was a making good money doing a job I loved (with co-workers I didn’t). Suffice it to say, I was financially secure and making some really good headway in life and the savings department. I was able to do things and travel places I often thought not possible. And now I’ve quit. And think I may be going back to school. Paying out of state tuition. For a degree that won’t pay any more than I’m already making. Oh, and there’s no work in Salt Lake (where I would go to school) and even if there was, I’d be making half what is fair (and literally half of what I was getting paid). And I don’t necessarily want to change careers. I just want to know stuff. I’m such an idiot.

I don’t want to be, yet again, worried about money. Well, to be more honest, I don’t want to give up the ability I had to travel and take a break when needed. I feel like I was in survival mode for so long (having worked full time since I was 16 all through high school and even through out nursing school). I’m afraid to go back to survival mode. And I really really don’t want to. I neglected a lot of important things in that mode. Things I’m still playing catch up with-like my health. If I go back to school it will most likely either put me deep into debt or significantly cut down on the amount of places and experiences I could have. No money may not buy happiness, but it certainly provides opportunity for experience, and significantly lessens the stress in life.

I just wish I knew if these are okay decisions. One that wouldn’t cause major damage for several years to come, or freak me out for years to come.

The Golden Streets of Athens

After a very long flight, and still not having the travel intenerary finalized, (travel agent didn't get back to us in time), we arrived in Athens, Greece. Athens, GREECE! GREECE, I'm in Greece! And it is beautiful.
Remembering one of the hotels from the travel iteneray we were supposed to have, we caught a cab and traveled to the Athens Gate Hotel. It's a 4 star hotel 500 meters from everything, including....the Acropolis :). It is definately my aesthetic, too, as the description listed in the elevator says something akin to, "a modern hotel with a minimalist approach". Ah, perfect. It, too, is beautiful.

I spent last night wandering the golden streets of Athens alone while my mom showered and napped. I initially started out just looking for internet at the hotel to try to get ahold of the failed travel agent but a sense of safety and freedom took over and I found myself contentedly and calmly exploring this ancient city.

I feel safe and happy as I wander. The streets reflect the sunset, at least near the Plaka and Acropolis where I'm walking, in such a manner they glow gold, or bronze maybe. People appear as if they are walking on avenues of light. Literally, look like they are walking on light! Children are playing soccer. Happy, (I'm assuming stray) dogs harmlessly work their way in and out of the sparce crowd, and sleep on the steps leading up to the Acroplois, which I just happened upon. Always nice when one's adventures lead them to right where they want to be, isn't it?

The few tourists out walk hand in hand, but it is the Greeks who are openly affectionate towards one another. I notice one couple, working in a shop together, nuzzling and watching the crowd as they take their time closing up. The weather is perfect with that perfect summer breeze the seems to intice the spirit to let go of anything holding it back. Everyone is calm and happy. Everyone, including me.

Blog Borrower/Music Lover

So because I have such cool friends with such cool ideas I'm going to continue to borrow from their blogs to pretend like I'm updating mine. Aside from the last post promising you something new and created by me (borrowed from Kelli's blog), this is another borrowed idea and chance to get something fun in the mail. And so I give to you from the blog of one, Miss Marcey Moreno, (you gotta get to know this girl-says it like it is with sarcasm and charm. Usually an awkward duo but not with Marcey's refreshingly honest finesse), the music exchange!





The Rules as posted by Marcey on Marceyinseattle.blogspot.com:





Step 1: make a CD filled to the brim with all sorts of musical goodness. (be sure to include a song list of some kind, no need to over do it, a simple piece of paper will work just fine but feel free to go all out too.)
Step 2: wait with bated breath by the mailbox for my return package, in it you will find a CD with all sorts of songs I’m listening to at the moment and or songs that remind me of you for whatever reason
Step 3: enjoy It’s fairly simple, I mean a trained monkey with a CD burner could do it folks. If you want to make it really fun we can select a theme, those are fun too.





A little from me:


Anyone who's ever spoken to me or listened to me try to explain myself, in any circumstance, has probably heard song lyrics spew out of my mouth. I LOVE music; completely. Especially blues/old jazz stuff. It articulates (sometimes with lyrics, sometimes with melody, sometimes with well placed silence) things I am unable or unwilling to say on my own. I get wholey lost in it and have had it pointed out to me that I wiggle (my version of dancing) even when I am not consciously aware of music being played. So I apologize, but have no intention of changing, to anyone who has spent any time with me in a car, spent a melancholy evening with me, or been around me and wanted focus and attention when music was playing. And I always look forward to eye-opening, life-changing music.

A Modern Day In Ancient Rome (a.k.a. awesomeness)

(way late and never completed, but counting it as an update even though it's out of order and incomplete)

We wake up some time between 7-8 and immediately open our window to the view of the sea. We begin casually getting ready for the day, enjoying the muffled, quiet morning sounds of the seaside wake up around us. We get just cute enough for the pictures, grab our backpacks and head out. We grabbed some chocolate-filled croissants at a little bakery near the bus stop. WHOA! That is one fresh and tasty croissant! I am not usually a huge pastery person but had to try one per the Italian brothers' (from the planes) insistant. Man oh man am I glad they committed me to that one! Y. U. M. M. M. M. M. So tastey I couldn't even think what I was supposed to do to the machine that pulled up at the bus station....oh yeah, get on.







Bus ride to the train station. Train to ROMA! We take the train to the end of the track: The Pyramid station. Yep. There's a giant, ancient pyramid right there when we get off in the heart of a bustling modern city...with tiny cars. Hee. The contrast of now and then is an unusual mixture that is hard to wrap your head around (never really did understand that expression, but it gets my point across). It's like my mind keeps trying to make tangible the connection, or maybe moreso the separation of the vastly not so different eras. Either way, it's awe-inspiring and cool.







We start walking toward the Collesseum with the help of Christy's slight broken, yet efficient Italian and some helpful locals. However, we get so caught up in every "little" (yeah, right.) ancient building (door) along the way. Christy and I both apparently have a love of beautifully and textured doors-a passion that perhaps I never would have been aware of had I not gone to Italy. Anway, I like cool doors.







We find ourselves first reaching The Forum. That's THE Forum. We walk along an outside gate looking for an entrance. We start to get a little further from the Collesseum so decide to just role with it and see THE Forum first. We end up taking the long way around. I dig it. We got to see more of it and experience it's vastness. We hiked up a long but not too steep hill on the far (uh, far being the side furtherst from the Collesseum. I don't know if it's east or west or what.) On our climb up this hill we meet a very Italian, very kind, old gentleman, who is thrilled to share his love of his proud city with us. He expressions largely and openly as he tells us how grand Rome is. (From what I gather) He starts talking about food, then gets all excited and tells us where we should eat. AWESOME. I love getting the dish from locals about where the real food is. He lovingly draws us a map, smiles with a little bit of an honest boast and wishes us the best in our travels. I don't know if he actually whistled as he walked away or if his personality just whistles in my imagination. Either way, he has a welcoming spirit and good heart.





The largest portion of this day can probably best been experienced through pictures. So here they are.





After some great sight-seeing and good company (Christy and I travel well together), we decided to go to lunch at the place whistling spirit man had directed us too. The food was good. Just good. The company...heh heh heh...was cute. There was an adorable, big-eared little boy sitting behind us and to my right. Being a picture person I was trying to shyly snap a few shots of him while waiting for our lunch. (None of them came out great as I was trying not to use my flash.) Christy has a sweet camera and was taken with the little guy as well. She turned to take snap her picture and obtained quite the crusty look from mamma bear for taking the picture. Oops. We both felt pretty badly. Oh. And all the while sitting behind Christy, facing me, was a fairly, okay-looking guy with very pale, translucent eyes. It was difficult for he and I to avoid eye contact as we were exactly in each other's line of sight so we spent a lot of time looking and trying not to look at each other. You know how that goes-the whole, I swear I'm not staring even thought I'm staring thing. Anyway, truth is I was staring a little bit. They were crazy. Pretending to be taking pictures of the little boy and the vast array of wines behind him I snuck a few of him in as well.





He finally finished his lunch and was gathering his things to leave. (I was kind of glad to have him out of my direct sight as that whole game gets a little awkward after a while.) I sharing just this thought with Christy when he suddenly appears next to Christy. While I was busy trying to see him he had grabbed a chair from the next table and decided to join us. "Do I at least get to see the picture you have taken of me?" Crap. He said it absolutely no inflection and if anything seemed a little genuinely annoyed. After the death glare from mamma bear I felt horrible and didn't know how to respond. Again no flash not great pics...and certainly not justifying of the color of his eyes, which he himself discribed as being "clear". And yeah, they kinda were. But because the picture weren't good I had deleted many of them and lamely replied to him that I think might have deleted them. I found left on my camera and embarassed him with it. He was extremely camera shy, yet very photogenic (great lines and coloring). I dont' think he could get a read on us just as we couldn't get a read on him so it took a few moments for us to relax together.





His name was Adriano. He was originally from Rome but currently resides in Florence. He is shy, embarrassed and a little awkward in his conversation with us. I don't think he is used to getting so much attention from blonde foreigners, but was trying to seize the moment I suppose. He complimented us on our eyes as well. (p.s. Christy and I do not have the same color of eyes. Both blue yes, but not the same color. However, in every single picture of us our eyes appear to be precisely the same shade of blue. Hmm. Weird.) Blue may be rare in Rome but it's not nearly as rare as Adriano's color. Anyway, he too, became excited about telling us what to see and what do-what's great that tourists miss (sadly, with only one day in Rome we're kinda insisting on the biggie's...at this in this city, and won't have time to see all this favorite places). After several minutes of conversation he bid us farewell. Christy and I sat and digested for a while before heading back out.


As we exited the restuarant Adriano zooms by and honks at us. Wait. He's pulled over and is gesturing us to come. We head out to his car where he hands over a bottle of wine, one of his favorites that he had gone out and bought for us. With the instructions to, "keep it cold and drink it slowly" we, being flattered (trying to contain our excitement), accept the gift and once again part ways. Okay, that's like the most perfect souvenier ever. A bottle of Italian wine, from an Italian man, who you met at lunch in Rome, at a place another Italian man told you to visit. It doesn't get any better than that. And my favorite part is that you can't plan things like that.





We head back toward the city center (just a few blocks away) and almost get hit by an ambulance in our exubarant delight. We end up on the other side of the street in a park area. As we are reliving the moment we are thoroughly chewed out by an Italian woman who thinks we are not respecting "her country" by ignoring ambulances. Look lady. It had nothing to do with it being an Italian ambulance. We would have gotten nearly killed by any make, model, or nationality of vehicle at that point. We get it. We're stupid tourists. Move on. Like we don't know we almost got killed. Anyway, don't get hit by vehicles in foreign countries, even if you're excited and having a great time. Just look both ways before crossing the street, okay kids.





As we amble through the park we begin to get a bit sleepy. We find a nice place at the edge of the park, slightly elevated about ground level of the street below with a perfect view of the Collesseum and nestled down on the lawn at which point Christy says one of my favorite quotes from the trip. "I'm glad we're old enough to admit we need naps." I smile and dose off. This and other similarities in our travel styles is why I think the trip went so well and why we are planning another one from around the same time next year.



We did more site-seeing.



Spanish Steps, proposal-busking, no eating.



Trevi Fountain



Plaza of the People



Communal Nap



Dinner



Home

Why Nurses Deserve More Vacation Time

"I found my scab that fell of a few days ago on the couch. I saved it for you. Do you want me to bring it in?"

"I just took some viagra. You better watch yourself."

"I'm only coming to get my shots if you're here."

PT:"I want three separate prescriptions for the same drug."
RN: "For the same med?
PT: "Yes."
RN:"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It makes absolutely no sense. How many and what drugs did you take this morning?" (so maybe that's what was said...aloud)
RN: (for real) "Why do you need three copies of the same perscription. This is for the exact same med, right."
PT:"Three?! I don't need three. I already have one. I only need two more."
RN: "For the same med?"
PT: "YES! I'm trying to choose between three different pharmacies and that way I will have a prescription for each one."
RN"I see. Is there any way that you could call the pharmacies, see which one is least expensive and take the prescription you already have to the one you decide on?"
PT:"Well, I suppose I could but that's going to take a lot of time and looking things up and stuff."
RN:"Aren't you going to call them to see which one is least expensive before you take the prescription into any of them anyway?"
PT:"Yes, but this way I'll have a prescription for each one so that when I decide I'll have the prescription already."
RN: ......*slamming head on desk*.....repeatedly.

WHY WE PUT UP WITH IT ALL:

"Thank you-
For always having a smile for us
For always being positive
Fo always being encouraging-

"We know we are here for another couple of years but wanted to acknowlegde all you do and have done-
"Thank you for agreeing that:
"'Bold is beautiful, Powerful
and we can wear it with PRIDE!'"

"We hope that maybe this photo [photo was of pt and spouse at a formal event, bald and beautiful with a huge smile, with magnets on the back to put up in the office] encourage someone else that is going bald that
"Yes we can!
"All our thanks,
-name with held"

Validation

I remember reading somewhere once (excuse the lack of reference) that one should, "never mistake stupidity for malice".

This is true. With a few exceptions, most people may do hurtful things or cause you grief but chances are it was more out stupidy than just outright malice. I admit, some people are just nasty and do unexplainable things just to be mean (I work with one of them). But for the most part I don't think the mean things people do are not intended to hurt. In fact i think they hardly notice the hurtee at all. It's a lapse in thought and concern for others.... a.k.a. stupidness.

I am one who has been let down frequently in life. Perhaps, by much of my own doing. I expect too much and expect people to follow through on their actions or at least own whatever it is. I guess I just expect carma to have a much faster turn around time that it seems too. (Although, in many cases I am extrememly happy to report that I don't always get what I probably deserve-take that however you'd like, it's true both ways :).)

This next thought has come up a few times in life recently. One of those things you always agree with but never take to write it down or fully finish the thought aloud, so here goes: Most things can be fixed if one will simply "own it". As evidenced in one of my all time FAV-OR-ITE movies, P.S. I Love You. Selfishness and thoughtlessness is immediately forgiven when a woman's best friend, who was supposed to be the maid of honor, but has been MIA, is told how selfish she was and how she couldn't handle not being the center of attention. When said supposed-to-be maid of honor looks sheepishly at the bride-to-be and admits, "You're right. I'm sorry." Sobs, acceptance, forgiveness...yada, yada, yada...and scene. Think of it also in the basics of repentance. The whole process starts with, "I did it" or "I didn't do it." Whether to a best friend, a stranger on the street, or God himself, it all starts with owning it. Anyway, that's a thought that went in a different direction than I thought it would, so as in many blog entries, and not just my own....I digress.

...I've always had this obnoxious chipper side and "cynical optomitic", but optomistic, nonetheless, outlook on life. I must admit now that it has been severely tarnished as of late. But underneath it all a ray a light still lurks. I think one of the reasons the rust hurts so much is that I know the truth. I know that a kind word turneth away wrath, the truth will set me free, and that character will always bring one more power and strength than any man-made replacement. The sting comes when I fail to live my life in align with these truths. It stings. And every time I fail, I lose faith in myself and my ability to do so. They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Some times I feel like I've paved a 8 lane freeway! So I hope by posting this little link a chink will be made in our oxidized armour, that a trickle of that light will shine though and chip off someone else's crusty outter layer.

Digressing...........................................................
and we're back.

Dispite my whining and my past, present, and future pains, I have undoubtly lived, a comparably, charmed life. My point is this: most people who hurt us don't do it on purpose, they're just being stupid and we get caught in the crossfire. They are human, so are we. And I'd like to think of us as just stupid sometimes than horribly malicious despite recent news reports of ugliness. These are out there but hopefully, the grossly extreme, and not the norm. For the most part we're all just bumbling along doing our best, even if our best sucks.

This whole thing started off as an opportunity to post this, which I found on a friend's blog:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao

I just thought I should write a little something to go along with it and the above spew came out. (I've found it best that if my blog is ever to be updated to not edit or think about what I'm writing. If I do it never gets updated or posted. Oh, you've noticed? Specifically Dad :) who's been asking for an update. I'm really good at this tangent thing, no?)

We all need validated, especially the crustiest of us all. We all feel that we have the world on our shoulders, which I guess, in a way, we all kinda do have our own entire world on our shoulders. I believe that the weight of that world becomes much less recognizable when we stand up straight enough to look out of our universe and recognize the work and effort that goes into another's world. Not to mention his/her ability to hold it up. Now just to stop paving and start skipping, progressly down the path that goes in the opposite direction from where that freeway was headed.

Before I stay up too much later or before the tangent monster explodes again I summize in the concise and profound words from two of the most memorable men of our age:"Be Excellent To Each Other" -Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan