Dating on the Run

 (only video of this song I could find....would have been much funnier with Prince's version. I guess this one sounds more like my kind of music anyway) (But for full effect of this post, go ahead and just find the Prince version and play it while you read ;). )



Inevitably one of the first questions people ask me when I move somewhere is, what on earth do I do about dating if I move so much.

The truth is, I’d do just about anything for the right guy. I’ve even made some good faith gestures to let the universe know that I’m open for anything. However, I some times feel like it backfires, or is misinterpreted.

You see, I’m only somewhere for approximately three months at a time. (Although it sometimes ends up being longer than that, if I like it, like the nine months I spent in L.A.) Now granted, that isn’t a whole lot of time to get to know someone, but in my book it’s long enough to know if I’m interested, and that on the off chance that I do meet someone, I can always extend for another three months just to see where it goes.

To me, this is the perfect set up. Staying somewhere I like for another three months, isn’t a huge commitment, and if it means I get another three months with someone I like,  to figure out it’s worth yet another three months, great. Major bonus. I also see it that if I end up staying three months and things don’t work out, neither one of has had our lives interrupted, and BONUS, you don’t have to run into someone you’ve dated previously, over and over again, no matter how well it ends.

The universe doesn’t seem to understand my logic, however. The universe, or rather, guys, still see me as a flight risk. Not understanding that I just figure everything will work out just fine eventually. I’m sure this leads to uneasiness and a lack of ability/desire to get close/trust, whatever to believe me when I say I’m interested. I’m sure of it because I’ve had guys say it to me.

Obviously, I haven’t been interested enough, or they haven’t been interested enough (or believed that I would stick around for them if things did go somewhere) for me to actually stick around indefinitely.

I have put out into the universe (admittedly, always more for the universe than the guy, thus far) those good faith gestures, you know just to let the universe know, that I would stick around to figure things out if necessary, by signing up for additional contracts in the area where I thought there might be something with the guy.

Now obviously, as I’m newly in Dallas, and very, very single, there wasn’t ever really anything worth sticking around for, but the universe should really know now that if I needed to I would, for the right guy. Or even just for a guy that seems like he could be the right guy. If he’s not, no worries, I can go back to traveling.

A lot of guys, and even people in my life, wonder if I really have any interest in meeting someone. Sure I do.

Many I think, feel like I’m “running away from something”. Nope.

I would love to find someone and create a life with them, even if it was only in one place. I don’t see it as scary or confining, I just see it as a different kind of adventure. Truth.

I live the way I do now because it works for me. It works very well. It allows me to enjoy the advantages of being single. And I might as well enjoy those advantages now. Just as I intend to enjoy all the advantages of being with someone if and when that happens.

There are many people who think my life is super exciting (And I admit, it has it’s moments ;), but it can be kind of dull sometimes, too).

I’ve never been an either or kind of girl, so I plan on having both. I think I’ll love being single. And when I get married, I intend on enjoying every minute of that as well, and will love it even more.

I hope this clears some things up. Or really, maybe it’ll just give me a reference page to hand to all the people that have and inevitably will ask me this question again the next time I move :).

I’m super excited to meet someone and have a family, which will include at least a few orphans ;). (Too bad Ecuador doesn’t let you choose the child, otherwise I would seriously be in the works right now of bringing my kids home, which would include a permanent job near a good support system.) But the reality is that I don’t have that now.

I don’t see marriage as a trap or confining or undesirable. Quite the opposite. I see it as my greatest and most exciting adventure ever! (Think “My Adventure Book” from UP :).) I very much see it as something I look forward to and hope to have one day. But in the meantime, I think I’ll live it up anyway. And be quite happy to do so.

So, right guy, when you find me, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. 

And the dam breaks

I miss my kids in Ecuador. I feel like I loved each one of them SO much and then they are just suddenly taken away from me. :/ I was thinking about that a lot tonight and trying to figure out how to get back to them, and if I do get back to them, how do I get back to them again after that and how long could I stay and could I make a difference, and how do I get them all the things I want them to have. And not just stuff, but like the love and attention and encouragement and knowledge of possibilities. I feel kind of selfish for how much good it did me to love them. And to be loved back. I miss them so much. I actually couldn't talk about it for a while when I first got back. Too much. it was just too much. I loved them too much and missed them too much that telling people about it seemed trivial in comparison to what it was.

I have 3 weeks when this job ends before my next contract, and although it will completely blow all the tiny bit of money I will have recovered-and then some-from this most recent job, I'm looking in to figuring out how to get back there, if only for those short 3 weeks. 

Having been down there and knowing how things work, and what they have and don't have,  I know better what to bring with me and what help I'd like to try to provide. It's on my mind quite a bit. 

...And so is the wonderful shawarma ;) and potato soup.

Meet Maria Belen and little bits of BIG Happiness

I’m surprised how long it’s been since I posted something. I guess I just write these in my head or jot down notes and forget that it never quite made it all the way to the blog. I came back on here yesterday to find a link for the paypal button for a few friends who really wanted to help. God bless ‘em. I think God must be a big fan of children, especially ones in need of a little extra love. Turns out there are a lot of amazing people out there who’ve got the extra love to give. I’m so happy I got the chance to be here and to see so much good in the world. Thank you to each of you who have offered, prayers, financial assistance, encouragement, kindness, and many combinations of these and more.

I must let you know that people here, here in Ecuador, are generally the friendliest and kindest people I’ve ever met. And I’ve lived a lot of places. They are more than just kind, they are very giving. I’m always surprised by how many people hand over change to anyone who asks it, whether it be a street performer juggling between stoplights, a person jumping on a bus with some spiel or song, or even just a beggar woman who’s in the same spot everyday probably making a killing off of people’s goodness and generosity, they give. I’m always surprised just how many of them do give.

I have to relate a story to you that happened to me just last night before I forget to write it down and I will also try to get additional past stories up for you to read as well. (Even if I’m not the best at writing/keeping a blog just know that goodness is here and the children I work with...if you can call work-I love every minute of it-continue to melt mine, and many others hearts. And although I only got to be here a short time...just shy of 3 months...I’ve loved as much as I could. I’ve done as much as I could. And even if the only life here changed is mine, it has been changed forever and for the better. I do hope that the love I’ve given, or should I say that God himself allowed to just pour, no flood, right out of me, makes a difference to these little ones. (In fact, I loved one little girl so much she got a bit jealous the last time I came to the orphanage and had to take time away from my talking practice to help another little boy who fell. She cried for a long time and just looked deserted. I can’t say that I didn’t feel a little bit of sweetness in that moment. I do hope that someone continues to work with her after I leave.

Speaking of which, thanks to many of you and another baggage miracle (if you don’t remember the first one, or if I didn't post it here...I don't remember...I was over weight by like 4 pounds, I almost had to leave some stuff behind and the lady at the counter let me take out some of my own books (my scriptures: Bible and Book of Mormon), she weighed the bag and was like, "hey look it's good", printed the tag and then let me put my books back in. this made sure all the donations and my scriptures, really everything I'd packed made it to Ecuador. :) ) a plethora of books will be arriving tomorrow! In fact, 5 boxes of books and developmental toys arrived at a friend’s house and he will be transporting ALL of them to Cuenca, Ecuador in his suitcases. I really believe that this sweet girl (approx 1yr 3-4mos old)-who is so full of happiness, I just refer to her, and her baby sister (6mos-ish old) who looks just like her-as liquid sunshine, will take to the books so rapidly that who ever comes after me won’t be able to stop her from talking once she starts getting read to. In fact, I’m going to have her saying at least 5 new words before I leave this next weekend. I WISH I could show you pictures of these heart thieves. And so you that bright smiles of the faces of the children you’ve helped, but gladly the government does protect them and I’m not allowed to post pictures of them on the internet. (If I’m every in person though and you’d like to see them you can bet that I’ll be so excited to show the photographs of these angels...and terds. Funny how kids can be both and so often at the same time. Aaaaaah, little buggers! I’m tearing up just thinking about their smiles and mischief.)

I will describe this one little girl to you at this time though...you know, instead of getting to that story from last night that I initially intended to write first. I doubt you’ll mind the side track though. :)

She is light as a feather and so small you wouldn’t expect her to be able to be so incredible and agile and balanced as she is. She’s an expert walker even though she looks too young to walk. A pixie really. She is black...well African American, but I can’t really call her African American...I mean I guess she could be. More likely Caribbean? Islander? African-South-American? Whichever is correct, or whatever you prefer. I guess she’s just Ecuadorian to me, or really she’s just a cute piece of heaven to me, with slightly darker skin and tight black curls, yes, a little fro. It’s short, or looks short and tight against her head. Lots of hair, a little pixie sized afro. And the BIGGEST smile you’ve ever seen with lots of excitement lines around her eyes and mouth when she does smile. Her eyes are beautiful, too. Super dark. Almost like a mirror (I’m so glad there’s another one just like her-her baby sister/clone.) In fact, the other day when I walked into the orphanage I mused to another volunteer, “does her hair suddenly looks like a whole lot bigger?” We both giggled as we realized her hair was definitely...bigger. Later that morning the speech therapist (I think that’s her title) came into the room we were playing in and patted her head and started laughing. My Spanish is  horrible, but I did understand the story. She, the therapist, had tried to brush out--I’m pretty sure with an actual brush--out her hair. She said the little girl wouldn’t have any of it and hated having her hair brushed, but brushed it was and the more it was brushed, the bigger it got. Hence, the aforementioned, new...bigness. She was so extra cute that day with her poofy hair. Now big hair or not this girl is the happiest little thing I’ve ever had to pleasure to meet. I can’t believe anyone is just born that happy. Let alone able to be SO happy SO many times over SO little. At the mention of her name this little girl is rendered immobile. She gets so excited by someone saying her name that she smiles so big you think the skin on her little face may stretch so far it’ll never go back, and doubles over, more like curls into a ball and can’t move. If you happen to be holding her when you say her name she’ll wrap around your hand (or arm, but really she’s so slight  that you can hold her with just one hand) like a little potato bug (aka rollie pollie bug). She laughs so hard she only squeaks at the very beginning then can’t make a sound for the duration of her giggle just jiggles like a silent Santa Claus. I love this little girl so much. I’m so glad God made a clone. her baby sister-also at the orphanage-will light up just the same when given any kind of attention. It’s as if the entire human race could be rebuilt from ruins just with the glow and happiness contained in the tiny little package of this one little girl.

She’s like the all-spark for the human race (for those of you who know transformers ;).)

Back to my story from last night. I was chatting on Facebook, of course about my time here and how I don’t have much left, specifically about wanting to get some propane tanks (for hot water and fuel for cooking) for one orphanage (the one with 51 kids...that’s a big hot water and cook need)...that they have asked help in getting when someone, Amy Awesome Big-Hearted Sharpe, mentioned posting on my old San Diego ward’s Facebook page (a ward being what we call a specific geographic congregation in my church). Now Amy has already done a lot with helping with books and so much else, wanted to be able to contribute as well. So I posted on the Pacific Beach ward’s Facebook page and on my status as well that the opportunity to serve had once again come. I was overwhelmed by the response. In fact, some people who probably don’t even want others to know they’re big ol’ softies, donated as well. An old friend from High School that I haven’t seen since caught the conversation and donated. Even a sweet cousin (Cherie-yes you) who I remember only meeting a few times when I was young (thanks Facebook for keeping family reachable). People just want to help. Not only do they want to help, people, given the opportunity WILL help. Even some that may not have much to give, give, and wish they could give more. I found myself wishing I could help. My heart was bursting with how many wonderful people there are in this world. There are so many people who showed me what I want to be. People I wish I was more like. I was absolutely glowing by the time I headed home from the internet shop last night, bursting with gratitude and the excitement of being able to go to orphanages and tell them, “YES! We can help. We can get you the propane tanks. YES! We can make needed repairs, and YES there is good and beauty and God in this world.” As Mother Teresa says, “God does still love this world. He loves it through me and through you”. (Or a very close approximation of those words. She repeats that several times in a book entitled, “Where There is Love There is God”.)

I can’t believe with as many good people I know I ever forget that. That God does love this world, and also according to a friend, “Kindness...it’s contagious”. It totally is. And thank you for infecting me.

Anyway, so here I find myself walking home, starving, and fully infected wishing I could pass this on RIGHT NOW. Wishing I could give and share the love that I’d just been filled with. I detour a Pizza Hut I’d seen near my house to pick up some dinner and to honor my American peeps who’d just donated...and because it’s my last week here and it’s Saturday night. Turns out it’s 2 for 1 night at Pizza Hut. What I’m going to do with one medium pizza, let alone two is craziness. The lady seems stunned I don’t my second pizza, but really, WHAT am I going to do with a second pizza. Again, I do not speak Spanish, but we all got each other when I turned to the lady next to me and asked, “tu quiero?” She smiled, I smiled, the cashier smiled, her teenage son (or kid with her, don’t know if it was her son) smiled. We all smiled. And she got a free pizza that night. I know it’s silly and small, and didn’t cost me anything, especially compared to what many of you gave, but I’m sure it made her night. Or at least made her smile for that time. It was a kindness of another human being. And she appreciated it. And good humor filled that little Pizza Hut waiting room.

I thank God for that little opportunity to...pay it forward...I guess one could say. Because I was about to explode with happiness, gratitude, and desire to give more. I’m glad that silly little opportunity came my way.

It really is the little things. The one dollar, the ten dollars, the free cup of coffee (or hot chocolate in my case ;) --Mormons don’t drink coffee ;)...) on a any given day, especially one when you’re in a funk and don’t deserve someone to be nice to you, that makes all the difference. And even if one can’t give something tangible, the kind word, the whispered prayer. It all, though small, makes the biggest difference in the world.

I’m glad to know such good people, including these children that I’ve grown to love so completely.  It’s makes me want to curl up like a little potato bug around God’s strong hands, I’m so excited and happy. :)

Maybe this is why I don’t post so often...a small post turns into several pages of me gushing. :)
Also, for those who were looking for it here's the link again so you don't have to scouring through old posts to find it:

What I´ve Loved and What I will miss about Cuenca

• Do you know what I think I´m going to miss most about Cuenca (besides my kids)? That´s it´s okay to be open and friendly here, just because. It´s okay to be happy and smiley because I am happy, and it´s okay to smile at others and to laugh at myself. I´m going to miss nice people. And I´m going to miss that it´s okay for me to be nice without being questioned or barked at for it. 

  
  

Ecuador: Amy: Infested

I don't have fleas!!!!!

....I'm just allergic to them...

I've had this obnoxious rash for about 5-6 days now. It's itches really bad and the doc of course can't really tell what it originally looks like because I've scratched myself to bits. It looks oddly like chicken pox...pre-scratched...but I've already had the chicken pox so I'm pretty sure that's  not where it is. I've missed 2 days at one orphanage and 1 day (today) at another at the other orphanage because I wasn't sure what I had and didn't want to be case zero of adding another complication to the orphanages.

I had stopped by the Emergency Department (mostly cause it's functions as an off hours clinic) Saturday late afternoon. They kept calling the dermatologist to come in to check out my gruesome scratched up rash, but weren't able to reach him. I'd also been kind of short on breath, but they didn't even listen to my lungs. I was sure to emphasis that I wasn't worried about the rash as much as I was about being so short of breath. Oh well, I went home and thankfully they didn't charge me.

Went to the derm today turns out he thinks I'm having a systemic reaction to few flea bites. he says the rash doesn't really look like bites themselves but that is looks similar to a rash many people not native to Ecuador get when they have an allergic reaction to a flea bite here. Apparently, it's not uncommon. BLAST my awesome, over-active, immune system. It's kind of scary to think I could be having a reaction to something enough to effect my breathing. I can't imagine having asthma and dealing with this on a regular basis. My reaction-breathing wise-is not bad. It's tight and makes it hard to sleep and it's a little tight all the time. In the ED on Saturday they wanted to give me a shot of benadryl, which I declined. I found out from the derm that you can't get Benadryl in pill form in Ecuador....good thing I brought my own!

So it'll be 7 days of steroids (16mg- it sounds like a hefty dose, but I think I'm just used to peds dosing) and Benadryl for at least 10 (that's what the doc said but I'm one of those non-compliant, self-diagnosing nurses that will take just until I feel better and then as needed :) ). Oh and this wonderful cream (I think it has atarax in it) that instantly made me feel better-itching wise. Lungs still tight.

After the doc told me I could try to debug my place but he thinks with the few bites I probably got them from a stray dog rather than my bed, especially since I itch all the time and not just at home or at night and he couldn't find any actual bites. Then I mentioned I work in the orphanages, one of which is particularly dirty and he then became concerned that it might even be scabies because those are fairly present in orphanages he says. If I don't feel better in 7 days or it gets worse I go back to get treated for scabies.

I think the doc is probably initially right with the allergic rash since he's seen it before he says and because my lungs are tight. But I'll let you know if I turn out to be scabies infested.

Either way, fleas or scabies....

.....EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Just take this as evidence that I am huggin' and lovin' these wonderful kids :)

Ecuador: She looked right at me and moooooo-ed!

I was gone for a week at the coast and returned to the baby and toddler orphanage this morning. I´d really love to see some, if not all, of these kids saying some words before I leave. (I also have a goal to have the currently 1 month old baby, that has been there escentially since she was born, laughing like crazy before I go back to the states in July.)

I am only at this orphanage 2 days a week, Monday and Thurday and since I cou ldn´t find any children´s books, I bought a colorful photography book full of animals and bright colors. I had brought it once before and sat down with some of this kids to look at, christeing it´s pages with tears and lovin´ (spit and kisses), but it was a big hit. Two of the kids, two of the younger kids, actually said a few words, well, one said banana, and another little girl picked up on the animal sounds we would make. As I walked into the playroom today, again with my book, SHE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND MOO-ED!

I was so excited. Several of the kids also at least remembered the book, or books in general, I don´t know, gathered around me-more like piled on top of me-and started looked through the book with me. It got a few more tears and bends and a lot more smiles. Today I got the moo-ing girl to say, ¨boom. boom. boom,¨ when we were looking at a picture of a drum and pounding the book/floor like a drum.

I can´t wait to spend more time with these kids. Another super bonus today was that one child, who usually just kind of spaces out and plays on his own was super interactive. He was giggling and coming up to volunteers to play. He also had a nasty chest cold and would cough with his giggles. Yuck. But I couldn´t very well not play with him the first time I´ve seen him try to interact, and he was kind charming me like a champ. More updates to come. Thanks for you support everyone. I can´t wait for those books to get here!

Ecuador: the simplest toys are the best

I arrived at the orphanage with my paranoid-nurse supplies. (I may not matter in the long wrong, but perhaps I can prevent a few colds now both for them and myself, and I can keep thing like play-doh, which I brought today clean enough for another go around. Gotta remember even if I can’t see how it will matter in the long wrong, I’m going act like it all matters now.) Such supplies include: hand sanitizer and kleenex. I also brought cornstarch to mix with water and play dough. It’s going to be a textile day.

I accepted the first 10 kids that swarmed my table. Trying to explain to them that I could only have 10 at a time for this particular game. I doubt I got anything across in words, but they eventually go the picture, except the 12th kids to show up: my amigo, the charmer who immediately started in, “Tia, aaah Tia. Uno mas, Tia.”. I eventually had to just ignore him once I was sure my point got across and he was just trying to force his way in.

The cornstarch didn’t go so well for the first group. (If you’ve never played with cornstarch and water you ought to give it a shot. HOURS of endless fun, even for an adult. Works for kids of all ages, too. It’s totally benign so even young kids can mess around in it for a long time and be safe while remaining totally occupied.) With all the initial excitement and confusion and grabbing I wasn’t able to explain or control the amount of water and corn starch kids were getting. And I wasn’t able to clearly demonstrate what it was supposed to be. So nix the cornstarch.

I pull out the play-doh (Thank Alena Malloy) and the kids go crazy, except they don’t really know what to do. I think mostly cause they are so ready to grab and make sure they get some that they aren’t even concerned about what to do with it yet.

I should mention here that every kid had to wash their hands with water first, then use the sanitizer. There were a few younger kids in the first group that had super booger-y noses. Boogers I did not want mixing with my cloths, face, hair, or play-doh. So I pulled out my kleenex and started wiping noses repeating constantly, pointing at the kleenex: No piso, necessita basura ___________.  I controlled the first few pretty well, and they were young so just let me wipe their noses and threw their tissues away. We’ll come back to the kleenex later as it wasn’t quite the issue at this point.

My group of 10 finally calmed down enough to enjoy the play. The lids had molds imprinted into them which was the first discovery. I showed them how to make balls and cubes, and roses. Slowly the got a little more creative. The first group is always a test group. I got some kinks worked out but ended up taking so much time to get things calmed and organized that we hit lunch time and had to clean up. Of course others were disappointed and didn’t want to use the table I was at for lunch so I asked the director if we could continue using the table after lunch was finished. She was, of course, okay with this if we waited until after lunch was cleaned up--a common chore for the older girls.

I grabbed a few index cards and all by myself wrote out, “Groupo Dos” and “Group Tres”, numbering them from 1-10. I also had one of the teenage girls write out the names of everyone who had already participated. This ended up working quite well as when one group was finishing up I’d have an older child wanting to be more included and more grown up, go find the children in the next group. I would also have them monitor who showed up, since I don’t know everyone’s name, to make sure I didn’t have kids sneaking in before their turn. Also, a very good thing as I always ended up with at least 15 kids at the table...5 of which obviously didn’t belong.

My friend, the charmer, sat around moping all through the first group. I told him he had to leave or have no turn at all several times. He eventually hung back enough to be out of the way, lessening the chaos, but never all the way gone. I told him he could sign up in the 3rd group and it was like I refused him food. He through a huge fit to which I had no response and ended letting groupo tres fill up, and fourth group and a fifth group. Each time we changed groups he through a fit and pouted. Each time I reminded him to stay back or he would have no turn. And each time I also reminded him that all he had to was sign up with one of the groups. Finally, right before the 5th group was to start he relented and signed his name. I welcomed him to the table and showed a few fun tricks with the play-doh, even though he’d been watching from not far off for a while. We had a good little moment though there at the end. I think the little bit of extra attention allayed all the ignoring of his fits I’d done through out the day and we were friends again.

Now let me tell you about the kleenex. It was a bigger hit than the play-doh. Humorously so. The obsession with the kleenex was incredible. The older kids, the ones I let help me out--and even had sanitize a few hands and wipe a few noses for me--quickly learned that tissues were scented. I guess that’s pretty common here, more than unscented tissues. And started sniffing them. I didn’t get what was going on at first. Just holding kleenex to your nose isn’t especially effective. (I don’t know if it was because they expected it to be scented or whether it was just the idea of having something that set it off, but many kids were more interested in getting a tissue to put in their pockets than they were in the play-doh, not that they didn’t like the play-doh I had just explained that this was mine and needed to be returned at the end of their allotted time.) I eventually had to bribe kids to blow their nose with the tissue with the promise of a new one they could keep. But the HAD to blow their noses with their first one. I couldn’t stop smiling. Every time I handed one out though I insisted: “No piso, necessita basura”. I think they started making fun of me a bit about it, repeating it with me and rolling their eyes as I handed them out :).

I only lost one red play-doh and one bottle of sanitizer that day. Not as bad as I was prepared for but for sure worse than I had hoped for. I’m pretty sure I know who took the sanitizer and have a few guesses as about to the time the red play-doh disappeared. I guess all I can do is hope the sanitizer is used appropriately and prevents infection. As for the play-doh, it will probably be stolen from the person who took it and end up dried up and ruined in no time. It is a little disappointing but I can’t get too upset about it. It would drive me crazy and probably be very ineffective trying to fight that battle.

I debated on how much I should try to explain to the children that if my things were taken or treated badly I wouldn’t be able to bring them but have decided that at this point I’m just going to let it slide, especially since several of the kids, after they found what I had lost started going through other people’s bags and looking in their beds where I’m sure they keep a few private possessions. I certainly don’t want them to think it’s okay to steal, but I also don’t want to teach them that going through other people’s things are okay.

I did the best I could to tell the children who were looking--a little too hard--to help me find my missing items, “thank you but I’d rather not have you go through others' things”. Knowing they will most likely do it anyway, I don’t want it to be done on my account. And even if found, the person who stole it (if not knowing it was found and returned to me, and maybe even if it was) would feel like it had been stolen from them. So unless it becomes a much bigger problem I’m just not going to worry about it for now.